Healthy Thinking Thursday on Wednesday again- I have to write it now and push publish before I chicken out. This is an insanely difficult post to write. I feel stupid, I feel frustrated, I feel like a crazy woman, I feel confused. Yesterday was my appointment with the endo- you know the one I had my hopes pinned on and would be all the anwsers to my difficulties this year? Well, the endo asked me what brought me there and I went through the entire story you all already know....aching joints, exhaustion, depression, slight weight gain, inability to exercise, enlarged goiter-my doctor told me I had Hashimoto's disease. Basically the endo told me I do NOT have Hashimoto's disease. In black and white on my records (which no one has let me see until now- even after asking repeatedly) it says I have the predisposition to get Hashimoto's disease because of the higher numbers of my antibodies (I think that is what that number was-so much info in one day!). I don't have the disease right now, I just have the possibility of it showing itself at any time in my future. I also have the possibility of it never showing up at all. I am super relieved by this- don't get me wrong- I don't wish sickness on anyone and I'm glad this disease is not my life journey at this time. However- I KNOW that I am not making this all up. I KNOW that my body aches so badly and that if I try to exercise it feels like a truck hit me- not the normal "good" pain you get after exercising, but a horrible aching that takes me days to get over. I KNOW that I ache even when I haven't exercised. Now....can I see that perhaps this pain caused me to slowly gain weight, which made me depressed because I couldn't control my weight, which in turn has made me exhausted and feel like I can't face the world? Yes...I'm a big girl, I can admit that perhaps my exhaustion was caused myself by falling into a depression about not being able to keep healthy. However, I am only 41 years old, and the endo agreed with me that I should not have pain in my body that wakes me up repeatedly at night and keeps me from simple exercise. Actually- could not being able to sleep a full night be causing my exhaustion? Maybe. Long story short, I am back to the drawing board. I am so mad right now, even though I am trying to keep a christian attitude and remember that mistakes can be made. It's just that 2 different doctors told me I DID have this disease and that I would be put on medication. If I had not seen this specialist would I be swallowing down pills I did not even need from the other doctors?? How do you read the words "predisposition to Hashimoto's" and tell your patient it is something they have?? I spent an entire month trying to figure out what path to take to get rid of my pain from a disease I don't even have and now I go back to the doctor next week to start all over again. Next Tuesday I go get more bloodwork drawn to see what else they think might be making my joints ache. Do I trust them this next time??? Part of me wants to lay down and cry and give up- but the other part of me knows that I could swing back into a deep depression and that I need to fight. I don't want to be a couch potatoe at 41 years old and just sitting on my butt and aching and hurting. I want to live to be 90-that's 49 years of just living with pain??? I can't do it. So.........I'm looking again. I'm fighting. I refuse to give up until I can get on that treadmill and walk fast again- until I can get in my garden and pull weeds without feeling like a truck hit me. I'm not taking this. I really didn't want to write this. I figure I'm coming off as a crazy person-but my sweet friend Laura helped me realize that what I'm writing is the truth, what I'm writing is what is going on in my world and it's important to me. If I look crazy, so be it- I've got to stop worrying about it and just concentrate on getting my answers. I've also decided that I'm not going to let this depress me anymore. I will get my answers sooner or later and I will feel better because I refuse to accept anything less. I would like to say a big thank you to everyone that has helped me so far. I had some really good advice from another blogger about eating- and I think I'm still going to follow her advice and cut back on wheat in my diet. I think that increasing my fruits, veggies and proteins is healthier for me- and maybe it would even jump start a little weight loss. I'm going to try to be less obsessive and more pro active about my health. I'm going to follow the advice I've been given so far because I can't see where it would hurt anything- everything anyone has told me just leads to a healthier lifestyle. I want to say again THANK YOU to everyone who reads and supports and helps me to keep on going to get my solution. I'm going to try my hardest to get back to a normal state of mind and a normal state of posting. I have so many projects and ideas in my head....maybe if I immerse myself in them for awhile and just go with the flow with the doctors I will at least not be depressed- because when I'm creating I am happy.
It's thursday again and I'm down to less than a week until I see the specialist. I'm nervous, but excited too. Yesterday I had an appointment at the wellness center with my chiropractor. My chiropractor researched Hashimoto's disease for me and had some suggestions on what foods to avoid and what foods to eat to help manage my symptoms. He also advised me to start taking Omega 3 fish oil to help with the pain I've been having in my joints and to make sure I'm taking a multi-vitamin. I'm guilty of not taking the vitamin because they make me throw up- but he said to go back on the children's vitamins so at least I'm getting something. I'm going to bring this up with the specialist to make sure that would be something I could take with any medication they would put me on- but I'm willing to try different ideas to start feeling healthy again. I'm actually feeling pretty optimistic and hopeful- which is a good change from the depression. I've started to make lists of things to accomplish again and I'm trying to slowly catch up with things I've let get behind. That's a good change from just ignoring things and not caring much. The chiropractor advised me to make my food changes slowly. I'm going to pick a few items from the "avoid" list to cut out- then I'll try to keep notes on if I notice differences in how I feel with those foods gone. I've had so many feelings lately of giving up and just accepting that I'm going to feel tired, sore and fat forever, so I'm pretty happy to be feeling hopeful and actually getting my brain back into a "fighting mode". Watch out thyroid and immune system.....you're going down!!!
I'm popping in with a quick post about some new minis I treated myself from Timber Ridge Studios. These are unpainted porcelain- aren't they gorgeous??!!! I love them- one of the vases is part of a gift for a sweet friend- which vase do you like best? I can't decide- they are both so great! Ronni from Timber Ridge Studios was wonderful- the shipping was very quick and the product is excellent. Ronni even included the cute little bowl as a gift- too sweet! There are also mini sea shells for your beach themed project, decals (I think I am getting some of these with my next order), mini supplies....lots of goodies to look at! I'd like to say a huge thank you again for the awesome customer service and I couldn't be happier with my goodies. I'll be shopping here again, that is for sure! Still not enough time yet to catch up on blog reading- I may have to simply start new when things level out. Hope all my awesome blogging friends are doing well ♥
Before I begin, I have to apologize. I have new followers to welcome and I have not been able to keep up with reading everyone's blogs. I have not been feeling very well and although I've been trying hard to keep up with everything I'm not really doing a very good job of it. I've decided that I need to stop beating myself up over it and trying to be super-woman and just achieve what I can right now. A huge thank you and welcome to my new followers and I promise I'll do a proper welcome as soon as I can. Now onto Healthy Thinking Thursday, which I am doing today because tomorrow is full booked and I don't know if I'll have time.
I stopped with these posts for awhile. I would read them and think to myself- you sound like a broken record, you sound like you are not even trying. I have felt frustrated and depressed. The appointment with the endo is getting closer and I think that I'm going to start these posts again- simply for myself. If you want to read and comment- fabulous! I love the support! However, if you want to skip past, that's okay too and I won't feel offended. I just want to chronicle the next few months for myself. I want to have someplace to write down if I feel better, if I feel worse, if I feel confused, etc. I am not sleeping well and all these questions in my brain I want to write down and get out of there! I struggled with whether or not I was going to blog about this new adventure with Hashimoto's disease or keep it private. I want my blog to be happy and full of creativity and gardening and fun......but since I feel like all of those things are such a struggle for me lately I feel more true to myself if I just have thursdays for posting about the real things going on behind the dollhouses and the art projects and gardening. I still want to get this extra weight off of me. Unfortunately it has increased a bit since I started this quest- but I'm trying not to beat myself up about it. I'm hoping going on medication will allow me to re-start exercising again. I am convinced that being unable to exercise has a lot to do with my depression. If I could choose just one thing the medicine would help it would be the aching in my hip and joints. Anyhow....no healthy tips and no progress....but a countdown of 13 days until I see the endocrinologist and hopefully start on a road to feeling better. Thanks for reading if you made it this far ♥
When I saw this cute little Mr Potato Head toy on Minnie Kitchen's blog I knew I had to have one for Amelie if she listed them in her etsy shop. I was lucky enough to snatch one of them and Amelie loves him!
I also received a bonus surprise gift from Minnie Kitchen- this adorable little bowl of roses! They are so tiny- and perfect too! I put my finger in the picture so you can get an idea of how small and delicate they are. I put them on the nightstand in the bedroom of the flower shop dollhouse. Thank you so much for the extra gift- I am amazed by both items and love them so much!
I've done a bit of work on the candy house too. The shingles are moving along and I've started adding some more frosting to the house. There are gumdrops on top of the dormer roof and chocolate bar bites on the chimney.
I also started working on the bedroom inside the candy house. I started the wood floors- they needed to be sanded and then I'm going to paint the floor a medium gray. I put a thick bead board around the bottom edge of the walls and painted the top lavender- with lavender checkered wallpaper in the dormers.
Last, but not least....here's one of the chickens on the swing in their outdoor pen. She sits here all the time, even when it's windy and the swing is moving. Have a great day!!
♥ Hi, my name is Kim. I live in northern Minnesota with my wonderful hubby and my pomeranian Miko. I love dollhouse miniatures, art journaling, sewing, jewelry making, gardening----I really love to make things and I jump around from project to project a lot! ♥ firstname.lastname@example.org